Doesn't matter anymore, but why

Recently I found myself killing my liver alot , don't know suffering from what? I just can't live without alcohol. I need to drink and I am desperate for it all the time no matter where I am. Location doesn't matter as long as I could drink. Yucks, I hate life like this actually. I am spendid , I am beginning to be like them. I wanna control my Financial problem, I don't have guy to sponsor my expences like you guys do, I don't have guys would wanna pay for my stuff but why everytime am i paying but not you all? Doll myself up so nicely yet people take me as a joke. Seriously I don't give a damn at all , it's me JUST ME, get it? Accept the fact , why am I treating all of you this way, because I start to build up a wall against you guys. You guys bring me fear, how many know I was upset and when was I really happy? cab you guys tell ? Seriously NO! None would wanna listen to my shit but only want me to listen to their shit when they need me. Who would come and ask wtf happened to me recently . "NONE" even a lil concern would be enough actually. Dishearted. If this prolong, i think I would kill myself. I hate comparison, I hate people taking me out to compare and bring yourself like so atas just because I am fat and I can't wear those nice dress as you guys can. I dance like a hippo in the performer , those who make audience laugh their ass off. But just a lil small move you guys do seems so perfect to everyone. Sorry to say, I don't know how to gain sympathy from people. I don't know how to react all the time when people came to me and ask bout others. wtf is this , I just swallow my anger and answer like a lil mouse in the darkhole. I seems tough outside , but no matter how tough is that person there's always a broken heart within. I hate being treated this way, I want to protest but how? What to do? In the end, the result will still be the same, nobody give a damn shit on me. and because I am not pretty and slim as always take to compare. Everyone mock at me like a century joke. i've had enough, I don't wanna live this way anymore. Sorry I don't meant to be rude , but fuck you all bitches and bastards.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]